http://paulita.tigblog.org/ What's on the minds of young leaders from around the globe? en-us http://paulita.tigblog.org/post/30777 Anyway here is what happend:
I was going to take the train back to the town where i study this afternoon. I had booked in advance and everything (and payed over 80 euro for the damn ticket, wich is really crazy).Then i was runnig a bit late, wich i usually do, because i had been seeing a friend that i had just one hour to spend with. Sometimes i am lucky and manage to get out of those kind of situations, i catch the train with one second to go, or it is running late or something. today i was not so lucky. I had a few minutes to get my ticket out from the machine. it wouldnet accept my bookingnumber no matter how i tryed so i decided to take a run directly for the train. I ran like crazy ( and i am not exactly an athlete) and saw the train pulling of the satation just as i camed up the stairs to the platform. fuck. ok so i better go down and talk to the trainpeople and see if they could have a heart to put my on a nother train. In my dreams of course. they didnt have a heart at all. Ok, i did find out that i had missed a number becuase i wrote it under the rest of the booking number. I should have been there earlier, i should have went straight to the train and all that, i know that very well and i am a clumsy and unorganised person. But i dont think i need to be treated wich such a disrespect and ignorance just because of that. the first women was looking coldly at me as if i was stupid.
" we can not give you a nother ticket, this one is used now"
"No it is not fucking used, i am still standing here, cant you see that?!".
I didnt say that of course, i tryed the soft line.
"cant you make an exception, this was my last money that i bought this ticket with?"
but she just kept the stoneface and sent me to her boss. She was even worse.
"but how could the number not come up, didnt you acctually come here after the train had leaved? and
"normal people would be here a while before the train leaves and try diffrent ways to get to the ticket". she talked to me like i was 2 years old, or as if i was mental. maybe i seemed mental as well cause by now tears was coming up my eyes, wich it usually does when I am angry and disapointed. i wanted to yell at her but i just said as controlled as i could
"well theres not much to then is it?" and left. I was so angry and sad,both at myself for messing up and at her for being so horrible, that i couldnt help crying there in the middle of the station. I went outside the entrance to get some air and think but the tears kept coming. Lots of people where passing by all the time but do you think anyone stoped to ask how i was? Not a single one. Some pepole looked me straight in the face but they didnt show with any expresion that they even noticed that i was crying. I hated stockholm so much at that moment that i wanted to run away and never come back.
how can we let it be like this? i dont mean that they had to give me a new ticket, i understand their stupid policy (even though nobody is going to go by train anymore when they ruin you to go on a tree hour journey and when they treat their customers like shit). I just ask for at least a bit of understanding and compasion. instead of being suspicious and rude and cold they could have said
"well i am sorry we cant help you, it was to bad for you that you missed the train."
It isnt that fucking hard to be human even if you work in a capital for a evil moneyfocused comapany.
I hope someone is going to have the energyto read all this, it becamed pretty long. But i guess i needed to get it out of my system.
Tomorrow i will take the bus home, there they have nice smalltown drivers who acctually talk to their passangers and smile at them.]]> Sun, 16 Oct 2005 12:09:00 EDT http://paulita.tigblog.org/post/30777 56.8833333 14.816666756.883333314.8166667 http://paulita.tigblog.org/post/30546

Because women are expected
to keep silent about
their close escapes
I will not keep silent
. . .
No I am finished with living
for what my mother belives
for what my brother and
father defended
for what my lover elevates
for what my sister, blushing
denies or rushes
to embrace…
…Besides
my struggle was always against
an inner darkness I carry
with myself
the only known keys
to my death…
… happy to fight
all outside murderers
as I see I must
- Margaret Walker]]> Fri, 07 Oct 2005 08:50:00 EDT http://paulita.tigblog.org/post/30546 56.8833333 14.816666756.883333314.8166667 http://paulita.tigblog.org/post/30369 it is just so dam wonderful to be a young and free studnet right now, i dont ever want to grow up and get scary responsibilities!]]> Sun, 02 Oct 2005 11:36:00 EDT http://paulita.tigblog.org/post/30369 56.8833333 14.816666756.883333314.8166667 http://paulita.tigblog.org/post/30123
I have found the most beautiful poems, they can be angry too, and scary and sad and funny and terrefing, but they all say something really important about the person who has written them, and the issue they speak about. And they all say something about the women in the world today, i think we can all realte to it, even if what they write about is not just the same as what we experienced.
They talk about the feeling of being a women, of somehow feeling that you are not as important as your husband, your brother, the man next to you in the street or what ever. And they talk about trying to get ride of that feeling to become important.
That is why i think that these poems need to be heard, and these women should get more recognition, most of them i had never heard about untill i started looking for them.

My hope is to one day be able to make a collection of this poems and publish them. I was also thinking about maybe starting a group with poems by women here at TIG, where everyone who share my intresst may comed and read the poems and maybe share others that they have.
Rigth now i want to give you one that goes together with the entry above, about scottland. the poem somehow reflect the image a have of those hills, even though it is probably inspierd from something totaly diffrent, but that is the beuatiful thing about poetry, that you can translate it into what means most for you


In Salutation to the Eternal Peace


Men say the world is full of fear and hate,
And all life's ripening harvest-fields await
The restless sickle of relentless fate.

But I, sweet Soul, rejoice that I was born,
When from the climbing terraces of corn
I watch the golden orioles of Thy morn.

What care I for the world's desire and pride,
Who know the silver wings that gleam and glide,
The homing pigeons of Thine eventide?

What care I for the world's loud weariness,
Who dream in twilight granaries Thou dost bless
With delicate sheaves of mellow silences?

Say, shall I heed dull presages of doom,
Or dread the rumoured loneliness and gloom,
The mute and mythic terror of the tomb?

For my glad heart is drunk and drenched with Thee,
O inmost wind of living ecstasy!
O intimate essence of eternity!


Sarojini Naidu
(1879 - 1949)
]]> Wed, 28 Sep 2005 04:55:00 EDT http://paulita.tigblog.org/post/30123 56.8833333 14.816666756.883333314.8166667 http://paulita.tigblog.org/post/30122 But I figured i should try it anyway, and this whole TIG site is really something diffrent, it has a great purpose, and i am still amazed by all the funtions it has, and by all the people that are members here, it really is like having the world in a litle box and you can just pick and taste ; ) like travelling virtually almost, it is perfect for me who constantly long for seeing new places and meeting new people

I have diffrent travel dreams all the time, but the one that is most present right now is the one about Scottland, Wales and North Ireland. Not that exotic or exciting maybe but there is something threre that attracts me. I can just see myself so clearly walking in the grey, windy landscape, looking down steep mountains and green hills, with all that space around me and the quitness and the smell of the sea. Somthing like the picture here...
I supose it is the melodramic part of me who long for it. I imagine the people there as more charming and friendly then in other places, maybe it is just a romantised idea from some feel- good movie but i do like brittish people, i lived in London for nine months and feelt very comfortable and at home with everything brittish. And i imagine scottland, wales and north ireland as more laid- back, a litleless snobby maybe, so i think i would love it. It might have something to do with the fact that the scottish accent it just so wonderfull...
Is it anyone who have seen the series The book group? ifyou have you know what i dream of, i imagine everyone to be like the amazing pepole there, hahahaha. If someone from these places read this, maybe you can write me and tell if am totaly of track in my fantasies. anyway, dreaming is always good when you need some change from everyday life.
But i will go someday to find out for my self about those cloudy hills and steep rocks.

]]> Wed, 28 Sep 2005 04:26:00 EDT http://paulita.tigblog.org/post/30122 56.8833333 14.816666756.883333314.8166667